I want to switch gears for a second and share my thoughts on a topic certain to spark a larger flame than that blowtorch you used for a dab five minutes ago.

Many an Unfriending has occurred on Facebook due to this subject, and many a friend in real life has kept all the tools they borrowed from you indefinitely after you voiced your opinions on the matter.

No, I’m not talking about religion, sexual identity, or racism. I’m talking about another oh-for-fuck’s-sake-this’ll-start-a-heated-debate controversial topic.

That’s right. It’s time to talk about politics.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t want all that unnecessary bullshit and drama that comes with it, though. I don’t care if I’m right or wrong. I don’t care if you think I’m uneducated and misinformed. I don’t care if you delete me from every social media platform because what I’m about to say pisses you off. I just want to share my thoughts.

 Don’t like it, piss off.

 ‘MURICA 

Politics and government talk bore me. I skipped more than a few AP Government classes in high school because marijuana and, uh, marijuana were far more interesting than all that psycho-babble bullshit.

So why do I want to post about politics?

Because I care about the future of my country, the good ol’ US of A. Because I live here, I’m a contributor to our society (i.e., not living off handouts), and I want a strong leader. Because my child and nieces and nephews and friends’ children may live here long after I become maggot food.

And because the 2015 hype and posts I see all over social media scare me.

What Scares Me

I’m wary of people who are jumping on bandwagons without getting any information straight. They’re forgoing research, hearing a name they recognize, reading memes without checking credibility, and then they’re rallying behind whichever name they “know” as if they were running for president themselves.

Many even think Trump’s hair is real.

Again, I’m not an expert. I don’t know much about politics. I don’t know all the parties; I don’t know (and don’t really care) what each party “typically” represents. Hell, I don’t even know which is red, which is blue, which is the fucking elephant, or which is the ass.

None of that crap matters to me. I’m just an average (albeit somewhat loopy and antisocial) United States citizen.

I don’t need to understand politics to know who I’m voting for.

I just need to trust my instincts.

My Instincts Are Screaming

I’ve seen every name running for President in 2016. I know what political party they claim to represent. I’ve seen the handy little checklists which explain what each one supports and opposes. I’ve watched footage, read articles.

And my instincts have been screaming at me since this all began.

Let’s forget about the lesser known names: Marco Rubio, Rick Santorum, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, and the other dozen or so who simply haven’t stood out much from the beginning. (Yes, I know—Many of those names actually are big names. Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious.)

Whether you agree or not, this election really boils down to the four biggest names out there right now, and here is what my instincts tell me about each one.

DONALD TRUMP

This is pretty much a household name by now. Everyone loved his blunt, in-your-face style on The Apprentice. Everyone knows he’s rich. Everyone knows about his wild hair and political incorrectness. In fact, many people are rooting for him because he’s a businessman and he spews verbal vomit without predetermined form or thought.

I, too, applaud Mr. Trump for his brash and bold personality. No bullshit, no sugarcoating—I dig it.

But my instinct warns me this type of personality would be harmful.

Think about it: A businessman who’s filed for bankruptcy, switches political parties depending on the year, is a television personality susceptible to the critical masses, and has a loose tongue?

Am I the only person who thinks that’d be bad? That wars would be started over one of his stupid off-the-cuff remarks?

A year ago, I thought he’d be great for our country because of his economic sense. But after his recent rounds of idiotic remarks, I’m hoping he has to bow out after the preliminaries.

Let’s face it: This dude was born into money, and he has no clue what the average person has to deal with on a daily basis. He has a big mouth, and giving him the power to do as he pleases (more or less; I know the limitations of presidential power) would be bad for all of us.

Stick to money and reality shows, Mr. Trump.

HILLARY CLINTON

What can I say? I thought her hubs was a great president. Sure, he got his dick sucked by an intern and got ratted out. Sure, he didn’t embody the rich values we Americans proclaim to abide by (though far too many do not). Sure, he didn’t really do a whole lot while in office. Regardless, this dude was cool. Laid back. Kept us afloat and out of major wars.

Things were good under Bill (as Monica could likely attest), but I think Hillary, like Trump, would also drag us into the mud.

Hey, I want to see a female president as much as anyone else who enjoys progression in our society. But she’s proven she’s just not that good at politics. She can’t lie well. She can’t cover up deleted emails. She can’t cover up deaths. She can’t remain committed to one particular stance for more than a year or two.

And we all know politics require these traits to some degree.

If Bill can’t run for president again, then no Clinton should. Let the name live in infamy and leave it alone, Hillary.

JEB BUSH

Or is it Jed Bush? Hell, I’m too lazy to Google it. It doesn’t really matter anyway.

It’s a fucking Bush.

Old Gee wasn’t that great, and Young Gee-Dub sucked balls and handed a clusterfuck to Obama. When a Bush speaks, they tend to sound like they have no more than a sixth-grade education, and they are so disconnected with the Average Joe that it’d be a waste of time to bring another one into the Oval Office.

I’ll probably never write this again: NO. MORE. BUSH.

BERNIE SANDERS

Until recently, I’d never heard of Bernie before, not in great detail. I think I caught his name on a few episodes of the Daily Show, but that’s about it.

What a refreshing thing, then, to stumble upon a guy who wasn’t born into money, who has worked beside and now fights for the middle class, who marched on Washington in the same crowd as MLK, who has been speaking about progressive movements for decades, who wants to tax those greedy corporate bastards and billionaires more in order to alleviate some of our debts and woes, who seems level-headed and understands what it’s like to be a human being, the trials and tribulations, equal rights, ups and downs.

And did I mention he’s been consistent on his views for decades? Don’t believe me? Check out this video: Bernie Sanders’ Consistency

I’ve checked his list. I know what he opposes, what he supports.

And my instincts don’t scream at me when I stumble upon another awesome quote or fact or article about him.

I tend to trust my instincts. This is a guy I could get behind.

 

Random Wrap-Up

It may appear I am biased, but my research isn’t done. I’ll be watching this race closely, and my instincts will ultimately help me vote. I can still be swayed.

You can, too.

Stop rallying behind people you know nothing about except for their name. Research. Understand the hot topics and everyone’s stance on them. Understand their stances a decade ago, and question whether or not it’s acceptable for politicians to change their viewpoints depending on current bandwagons. Go beyond what you see and hear on television. Catch on to personality traits, and use that to figure out some “What if?” scenarios.

Then, trust your instincts and get amped to vote.

Stay tuned. There’s more randomosity coming soon.

JO