An Introduction to Dark Randomosity

DISCLAIMER: The blogger is not responsible for seizures, disgust, or venereal diseases caused by viewing this site.  May contain explicit language, violent depictions, and horrible, desperate attempts at humor.  READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Who Is Your Blogger, And What Does He Do?

We’ll start at the beginning:

In the distant year of 1981, on a dark and stormy night...

In the distant year of 1981, on a dark and stormy night…

Okay, maybe we don’t have to go that far back.  Let’s start with some basics instead.

My name is Jonathan Ondrashek.  I was born and raised on a farm in Iowa, and have since been converted into a city slicker who yearns for the sharp, distinct smell of cow shit.  From an early age, I loved reading, which naturally segued into a love of writing.  However, my epiphany to pursue professional writing avenues didn’t occur until after I forsook a college education for pot, alcohol, and self-indulgent masturbation.

LOTS of masturbation.

LOTS of masturbation.

At the age of 23–after realizing I had absolutely no clue what I wanted out of life–I rediscovered writing and joined the Long Ridge Writer’s Group.  Through snail-mail correspondence, I learned the basics of breaking into print markets and crafting novels.  In 2013, despite many rejections, I finally suckered a publisher into sending me a contract landed a three-book deal with a prominent horror publisher.

After years of self-loathing, I had looked defeat in the face and bitch-slapped the shit out of her.

Which brings me to the point: I’m a writer.  It’s been my calling since birth, even if I couldn’t see it for a decade.  This is my dream, and I refuse to let anything or anyone stand in my way.

Unless you're as big as this fuckin' dude.

Unless you’re as big as this fuckin’ dude.

I’m not out to concoct the Great American Novel, and I may not end up being a household name.  I’m okay with that.  Really, I am.

My goal is to entertain.  Plain and simple.

The Blog

Dark Randomosity will feature random topics with a dark sense of humor.  While many posts will pertain to writing, here’s a glimpse at what else to expect:

  • Excerpts;
  • Book updates, contest announcements, and guest blog information (assuming some unlucky bastards out there are willing to have me write for their site);
  • Guest blog posts (assuming other bloggers want to be associated with this site);
  • Original poetry;
  • Links to spend your hard-earned money on poorly crafted novels;
  • and pictures.  You can’t go wrong with pictures.
Woohoo!

Pictures?  Woohoo!

Why You Should Come Back

Why should you invest ten to twenty minutes a week in reading Dark Randomosity?  Why read anything where the writer has no clear authority on anything and bounces around from one topic to another?

Well, it’s because I aim to entertain.  And, as it is with herpes, I want you to come back again and again.

What the fuck did he just say?

What the fuck did he just say?

So stay tuned.  There’s more randomosity coming your way.

JO

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